The panic starts to set in. The hairs slowly rise on the back of your neck as the pit of your stomach feels like a punching bag for an angry gorilla.
What the hell am I doing?
You breathe in, exhale. This is what you live for. This is what makes it worth waking in the morning.
You love the thrill of change, of variety. But sometimes it’s flat out terrifying.
You consider turning back – all that you’ve worked toward would be thrown out but that doesn’t matter. The safe and predictable thing to do is go back to your old ways, your dead end job. The boring cookie-cutter life, the one where nothing different ever happens. You know the monotony will sink in eventually and you’ll have this entire thought process again soon but you don’t care. For now at least, it’s safe.
You’re supposed to go to school, go to college, start working at your career, work for forty years or so, retire, and rot, right? Somewhere in there get married and maybe start a family, maybe take off in a RV with all that money you saved at that desk job.
Why does this not sound appealing at all?! What’s wrong with me?? 401k, what??
What went wrong in your development that all you want is nothing ordinary?
And then you remember. This is what you live for. You live for change, you’ll die for change. You want to leave the familiar horizon and set out in the unknown. You want to make a difference and you can’t easily do that staying still. The risk doesn’t outweigh the reward in this case.
Maybe it won’t work out and it will be humiliating. You’ll have nothing interesting to report other than a different address. Maybe you’ll have nothing outwardly to show for your bold decision to do something new. You’ll have to answer to same probing questions a thousand times over about your “failure”. How embarrassing.
But maybe it will work out – maybe it will be the most exciting adventure yet. Maybe, if nothing else, you learned something you couldn’t have otherwise. How many people can really say they packed up their car on a whim and fled to an unfamiliar environment? How many can say they’ve taken a risk recently?
True, this life is not for everyone. But neither is the predictable one.